About the show: Dave Pickering takes us on a personal journey through gender as he tries to explain masculinity both to you and to himself. Part true storytelling, part TED talk and part apology, the show looks at how the patriarchy hurts men too; how the patriarchy has hurt him, and how he has hurt people because of patriarchy. Drawing on an anonymous survey of 1000 men, feminist theory, internet memes and his life experience, Dave will explain the conclusions he Read More ...
Does patriarchy exist?
How would you define patriarchy?
a system that privileges men over women
How has patriarchy hurt you?
how hasn’t it. I’m a fat disabled queer intersex trans man.
How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?
when I was a teenager, I tried to be a “real man” in such a way that it was bad for all my relationships – romantic, familial, friends, all of them. I tried to be “right” all the time, to be “strong” all the time, to be infallible. I expended so much energy lashing out because I had been hurt in so many ways and I didn’t know how else to deal with it but to try and control everything I could, because maybe if I could then the world would stop hurting me. Of course, it doesn’t work that way, and no one is infallible – but especially no teenager is. I was lucky – I grew out of this before I hit adulthood. but it happened.
How would you define masculinity?
a tricky question. it’s a feeling mostly, I think. but like almost every gender feeling, like colours, we will never know if it feels the same to others that it does to us. it is also a physical expression I think, hair and sharp lines, beer and exertion, gruffness and protectiveness.
Does misandry exist?
I don’t think misandry exists in a systemic way, that’s ridiculous. but my mother threatened to kill me when I told her I was a man, because “men are worthless”, so I cannot say that it does not exist on a smaller scale.
Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?
What best describes you?
I know some people think a man can’t be a feminist because he hasn’t lived as a woman. But I have lived as a woman, so if that is the only problem, it is cis centric and false.