About the show: Dave Pickering takes us on a personal journey through gender as he tries to explain masculinity both to you and to himself. Part true storytelling, part TED talk and part apology, the show looks at how the patriarchy hurts men too; how the patriarchy has hurt him, and how he has hurt people because of patriarchy. Drawing on an anonymous survey of 1000 men, feminist theory, internet memes and his life experience, Dave will explain the conclusions he Read More ...
Does patriarchy exist?
How would you define patriarchy?
The systemic assumption that in the world of work, men should be treated with more respect and leeway than women and vice versa in the world of the family; the systemic assumption that victim-blaming is acceptable in crimes that are perceived to be men against women.
How has patriarchy hurt you?
As I’ve yet to have, for example, a dispute about who should get custody of my hypothetical children, only in mild and minor ways outweighed by the benefits I’ve received. Oh, and in the constant but non-obvious way my female friends are affected, lowering their mood which causes less fun to be had by the circle as a whole.
How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?
Let’s not kid ourselves here, I’ve lucked out on it. I’ve been trusted to be in charge because I’m male and tall, even when not the best choice; it’s likely I’ve gotten a job a time or two when I wouldn’t have. And I’ll have done a thousand and one things without noticing them at the time. I couldn’t give specifics, but I’ve used a lot of sexist language without meaning or thinking it. I’ve talked over a lot of women, probably proportionately more than I have men. And there’ll be shit I’ve missed. That’s the thing about systemic issues. You’re in the system. You don’t notice them.
How would you define masculinity?
A checklist combining aspects of old-school British clubland, ‘lad culture’ and a dozen other constructs. There are a lot of masculine traits; a person might be defined as masculine if they hit a certain number of checks on the list. Yes, this is copping out on a definition, but I’m filling out an online form. You want a full definition, pay me. In whiskey.
Does misandry exist?
Assuming you’re going with the systemic definition. Of course there are women who hate men. There are women who hate women, men who hate men, etc. But that’s not misandry.
Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?
Only in a way that has advantaged me
I haven’t wanted to move into careers that are traditionally considered feminine, nor do I present as particularly non-standard-masculine. I haven’t been called gay since it was an insult none of us understood, aged nine.
What best describes you?