Respondent 966

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

a system that privileges men over women

How has patriarchy hurt you?

how hasn’t it. I’m a fat disabled queer intersex trans man.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

when I was a teenager, I tried to be a “real man” in such a way that it was bad for all my relationships – romantic, familial, friends, all of them. I tried to be “right” all the time, to be “strong” all the time, to be infallible. I expended so much energy lashing out because I had been hurt in so many ways and I didn’t know how else to deal with it but to try and control everything I could, because maybe if I could then the world would stop hurting me. Of course, it doesn’t work that way, and no one is infallible – but especially no teenager is. I was lucky – I grew out of this before I hit adulthood. but it happened.

How would you define masculinity?

a tricky question. it’s a feeling mostly, I think. but like almost every gender feeling, like colours, we will never know if it feels the same to others that it does to us. it is also a physical expression I think, hair and sharp lines, beer and exertion, gruffness and protectiveness.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

I don’t think misandry exists in a systemic way, that’s ridiculous. but my mother threatened to kill me when I told her I was a man, because “men are worthless”, so I cannot say that it does not exist on a smaller scale.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

What best describes you?

A feminist

I know some people think a man can’t be a feminist because he hasn’t lived as a woman. But I have lived as a woman, so if that is the only problem, it is cis centric and false.

Respondent 940

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

The oppression of men and women based on the assumed inferiority of all things perceived as ‘feminine’

How has patriarchy hurt you?

I’m a transgender man, and I’m constantly being told I’m not a ‘real man’ because I embrace the fact I’m not cis, I eschew toxic masculinity, and I fight for the rights of women.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

I’m not sure that I have; living as a woman for 20 years, I don’t believe I oppressed or hurt anyone because of the power of the patriarchy.

How would you define masculinity?

Masculinity is what any given man makes of it.

Does misandry exist?

No

It does not; being fed up with harassment and abuse is not the same as misogyny.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 898

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

phallocentric gender system, which favours men over women. But also confines men and women alike to gender norms which oppress all genders. It is also a value system whereby the rational, logical, active, dominating, leadership, violent, strong (things associated with masculine) are given greater value and reward in society. (i.e women can succeed under patriarchy if they follow this value system, i.e Margaret thatcher is not a feminist hero, she is in a way a patriarch) .

How has patriarchy hurt you?

gender norms are very restrictive, although if I ‘pass’ I do accept privileges, but I am only valued as a ‘real man’ if I am competitive, dominant, strong, part of the boys club and if I have the physical attributes to match.. if I do not I am seen as a loser, or somehow castrated, beta, less than.. also if I don’t pass I can be more vulnerable to physical assaults. There is a lot of pressure on me to be a provider and succeed, a man that doesn’t do this is seen as weak. I am in no way saying its equal to what women go through, but is there none the less.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

I am sure I have in numerous subtle and less subtle ways, I have objectified women for sure, I have listened to men over women at times, I have lost patience with some behaviors that are associated with femininity, I have taken more control with certain jobs/chores and responsibilities that I could have shared (or skill shared) more with women in my life, and visa versa.. (let women take more control of other responsibilities), not excessively but its happened!

How would you define masculinity?

I don’t believe in masculinity or maleness, or femaleness or femininity..as an essential state, I would prefer if we could move beyond identity labels, and instead see past it.. But I suppose I see masculinity as enhabiting ‘boyness/maness’ whatever that may be to that person/culture at that time and is changable.

Does misandry exist?

No

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

I am transgendered ftm, so have experienced gender related prejudice mostly when I was female, but also from transphobia since. I also feel I have lost a lot of community I used to have as female, I suppose perhaps some women assume a lack/loss of affinity with me now, although thats not how I feel toward them.But don’t blame them either.

What best describes you?

None of the above

lefty, anarchist, feminist

Respondent 874

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

systemic imbalance which privileges and benefits people perceived to be male, to varying degrees, as it intersects with other forms of oppression, such as ableism, racism, transphobia, xenophobia, fatphobia, and more.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

as someone who spent half their life read as female, I can’t tell you how many ways. It is all pervasive. As someone read as male… That’s an interesting question. I’m not sure I can possibly say it has, what with all the privilege bestowed upon me when read as male. It hurts me that it exists, and that it renders our society unjust and fraught with conflict, but it hasn’t hurt me personally I don’t think, if that’s what you mean.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Respondent skipped question

How would you define masculinity?

I’m more interested in dismantling it.

Does misandry exist?

Sure, if you understand it to be a general dislike or prejudice against men, sure. But I would strongly qualify that with a heavy dose of “if men feel disliked, welcome to the patriarchy. This is what patriarchy causes, and not just for women. Get off your defensive ass and start working o bring down gender inequality instead of pouting that she doesn’t want o walk home with a near-stranger and proclaiming ‘not all men’!”

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

What best describes you?

A feminist

Trans identified, non binary, queer feminist who is equally happy picking out new curtains as working with power tools. Fuck the patriarchy and it’s tiny little boxes of gender normative standards.

Respondent 765

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

The systematic priveliging of men, maleness, masculinity and denigration of women, femaleness, femininity.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

I’m a trans man. I never realised just how privileged men were until I transitioned. I have gained a lot of confidence since then, but a lot of that is because when I speak out these days I’m more likely to be taken seriously (no “stop being so sensitive” “you sound hysterical” “you’ll change your mind” “you’re cute when you’re angry”

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

I’m certain I have, though I can’t think of any specific examples.

How would you define masculinity?

Culturally, masculinity is stereotypically coded as hard, assertive, etc. personally I think it is a quality that can be self defined.

Does misandry exist?

Maybe

Maybe on an individual level, but it isn’t a systematic problem (see also “reverse racism” and “why isn’t there a straight pride march” haha!)

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

But that’s because I’m transgender. So I might be skewing your data here!

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 598

Does patriarchy exist?

No

How would you define patriarchy?

An article of feminist faith which is at best loosely related to the current state of societal thought and belief on the nature of women. Note this is not the same as pretending gender-based prejudice doesn’t exist.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Every single judgement I’ve ever heard that I must be an arsehole purely because I’m a man. The hypocrisy of the fact the same people courted my attention back when I was a woman.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Thirty years of thinking I was female and abusing the men in my life with the same sexist crap I’m now hearing.

How would you define masculinity?

The state of being male, whether you like it or not.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

All of the worst sexists I know are women. My male friends are terrified of female judgement. This ain’t progress.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

Since I transitioned women now assume I’m arrogant, ignorant and insensitive. Before, they thought I was strong, inspirational and awesome.

What best describes you?

None of the above

Angry trans man

Respondent 633

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

The social structure which treats men and masculinity preferentially over women and femininity – associating more positive values with the former.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

A thousand small cuts, a thousand reminders about how men and women should behave, and the consequences (social, physical, emotional) of not doing gender right.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

A thousand snap judgements, defensive reactions, taking up too much space.

How would you define masculinity?

Too contested. I aim for humanity instead.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

In the same way that individuals can be misanthropic, they can be misandrist. Not analogous to misogyny, which is supported through societal structures in a way neither misandry nor misanthropy are.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

I am a trans man who has experienced the strange shift in social space and recognition I am afforded the more my appearance coincides with ‘man’

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 494

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

The privileging of the male sex class above the female sex class (and those assumed to be in it or associated with it whether rightfully or wrongly).

How has patriarchy hurt you?

i was born female and lived as a woman for many years, so – through both structural disadvantage (access to education, housing, employment) and interpersonal disadvantage (being a victim of rape and sexual assault, most notably). These are probably not what you’re looking for as ‘men’s experiences’ but the fact remains that some men have had them.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Respondent skipped question

How would you define masculinity?

k

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Yes, on an interpersonal level – see the people who describe themselves as ‘misandrists’. But not on a structural level.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

I was born female and lived plenty of my life as a woman – so yes!

What best describes you?

None of the above

i have a complex relationship to feminism. I necessarily can’t relate to it in the same way as non-transsexual men, and part of my problems come from feminism’s hostility to women like I have been – disabled, fat, lesbian (at the time), immigrant – as well as its common lack of understanding that men may have first-hand experience of misogyny. In a situation where my trans status wasn’t known however I would call myself a feminist probably.

Respondent 475

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

Patriarchy is closely allied with capitalism since both demand that resources be extracted without regard to the systematic oppression faced by those hurt or killed in the process.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Patriarchy made me think I was a man trapped in a female body so I lived my life as a transman until quite recently.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

As a transman I felt I was superior to women so of course that attitude hurt them in all my interactions with them. I dismissed most of their feminist concerns as not being relevant to me instead of regarding all females (which I was born as) as being part of a class.

How would you define masculinity?

Toxic.

Does misandry exist?

No

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

I was not allowed by our culture to be born female and have ‘male’ tendencies. Our highly gendered culture forced me to choose to live as a man rather than accept myself as a female. Clinging to gender dysphoria for most of my life has been toxic.

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 448

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

A system that gives power to men but takes it away from women. For example, by putting women in no-win situations, such as the prude/slut dichotomy.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

I’m trans, so policing borders around maleness and masculinity has meant a lot of harassment in my past, and denial of access to ‘boy’ things I wanted to do. Now that I pass, I can see how it’s helping me…

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

It’s actually quite hard not to talk over women, because it’s so expected, it’s almost not noticed by anyone.

How would you define masculinity?

the symbols of man-ness.

Does misandry exist?

No

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

Before I transitioned and in the form of transphobia, but not around maleness or masculinity outside of this.

What best describes you?

A feminist