Respondent 1002

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

As a burrito with sour cream

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Okay seriously, I’m kind of effeminite and bi and “traditional” ideas about masculinity have hurt me. I grew up being told not to be such a girl, I’ve taken a fair few beatings because of it. Sometimes I’d rather wear a pretty dress than “men’s” clothes. On the other hand, sometimes I think that “effeminite” isn’t really a thing. There are lots of butch lesbians who aren’t “effeminite” but they’re still women. Patriarchy pushes us into roles we may not be comfortable in or naturally fit into.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Before I admited to myself that I was bi I would use words like faggot a lot, but I think I was just being defensive.

How would you define masculinity?

As a large pizza… sorry I’m on a diet in order to fit into afor mentioned dresses and I’m really hungry

Does misandry exist?

I’m going to go with yes but not as a system of oppression and it’s not as bad as misogyny which is a systemic problem

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

Mostly because of opressive gender norms that I don’t fit into.

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 994

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

The systematic, historically ingrained, and societally internalised privileging of men over women.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Pressure to look/act/behave a certain way (especially towards women) to “be a man”. Insecurity. Limited exposure to the diversity of women in industry and entertainment. Comments like “if you think this web page works, get your mum or your wife to try using it [and watch how they screw up]”.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Sexist jokes, blinkered view of the “role” of women in society, objectification of women.

How would you define masculinity?

The heteronormative, ableist construction of desirable male attributes and behaviours.

Does misandry exist?

No

What MRAs describe as “misandry” is basically just women wanting human dignity.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Only in a way that has advantaged me

What best describes you?

A feminist

Social Justice Cleric

Respondent 992

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

I feel that “kyriarchy” is a more useful phrase for describing the same structure: the interlocking network of oppressions, social power, stereotypes, social roles, and other things designed to keep each one of us in our place.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

The “success object” role that men are pushed into has never been a good fit on me, and that’s caused a lot of pain over the years.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

When I was a kid, I invited all the boys in my class to my birthday party, except the two boys rumored to be gay. I still cringe with shame every time I think of it.

How would you define masculinity?

The performance of a role traditionally gendered male.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

I reject the “women hold no power societally so misandry is impossible” formulation, as it’s usually just a dodge to avoid engaging with actual harm being caused.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

I’ve gotten lots of advantages from being a cis man, including at least one significant job offer that I know for a fact I only got because of my gender. At the same time, I’ve been downstream of some nasty stereotypes about men, and been considered an easy target for certain kinds of attacks, also because of my gender. Turns out life is complicated.

What best describes you?

A feminist

I’ve written extensively about men’s issues from a feminist standpoint.

Respondent 989

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

Structures set up within society that oppress women and maintain inequality between the sexes

How has patriarchy hurt you?

toxic masculinity, saying that men can’t be raped

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

objectified women, policed their bodies

How would you define masculinity?

a social construct of behaviours including aggressive behaviours that are considered “manly”

Does misandry exist?

No

The oppressor can’t be oppressed

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Only in a way that has advantaged me

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 983

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

As a somewhat undirected / embedded system that defines and exerts pressure on people based on their sex / gender. This affects peoples’ behaviour, career, appearance and many other things – and also our expectations / reactions to people who go against this expectation. It certainly most negatively affects women in terms of control and power for themselves and in the world – everything from being paid less to do the same job to feelings of how one should appear.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Mainly in terms of feeling empathy for women who have suffered the negative effects of patriarchal systems / behaviours. In a small way, personally in terms of the expectations the media / group mentality place on being male. This manifested in feeling obliged to act in certain more traditionally masculine ways, which ultimately made me quite sad and stopped me developing into a more rounded, happier person.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Before reading feminist viewpoints and coming to a better understanding of patriarchy, I was undoubtedly guiltily of propagating the system. Mainly in terms of expectations of what and how women should be. I certainly had a bit of a ‘nice guy’ complex in my teens / early 20s, and felt hard done by with women, which is unfair and a bit immature. This all would have been somewhat unwittingly and ignorantly, but that’s how insidious the patriarchal system is though – it doesn’t always look especially bad or feel like you’re doing anything wrong.

How would you define masculinity?

I think and hope that it’s changing from a traditional tough, confident, strong, hetero ‘laddy’ type to one that’s broader and more accepting of all kinds of males. Taken further, it becomes a pointless term if it encompasses all kinds of behaviours and traits and becomes a synonym for ‘male’. I don’t like the idea that certain behaviours are more associated with men and some with women – it seems a bit ridiculous and like an outdated way of thinking. That said, we have to work in the world we live in – so if it is useful to broaden the definition to include more men in progressive work, then that’s cool.

Does misandry exist?

Maybe

I think any systematic negative things men experience are also part of patriarchal systems. I guess it might be a useful word for extreme forms of radical feminism (ie. the idea that all men should die, for eg.)

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Only in a way that has advantaged me

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 982

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

Respondent skipped question

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Respondent skipped question

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Respondent skipped question

How would you define masculinity?

Respondent skipped question

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Only in a way that has advantaged me

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 978

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

it is a system of power structures, social norms and assumptions put in place to preserve the status quo of those in power, mostly wealthy white men.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Not being born a wealthy white man, I’m at a disadvantage in almost all aspects of life, education (didn’t manage to get an academic degree), finances (not making a profit off my little savings). On a more personal emotional level, having internalized masculinity my ability to deal with emotions and express them has been inhibited to the point that I require professional help to unlearn some of the habits and behaviors ascribed to be by masculinity.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Since it’s difficult for me to relate and empathize with people of different social class, color, gender or ethnicity other than my own, or white, I’ve ended up ignoring the needs, cries for help or basic human decency of such people. For example ignoring homeless people on the street asking for some help.

How would you define masculinity?

A set of very arbitrary rules governing the behavior and to a great extent the inner world of men, dictating certain ways a man must look, behave and think in order to be “worthy” of being regarded as a man.

Does misandry exist?

No

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

mostly in ways that have advantaged me, but also in a very small number of cases in ways that have disadvantaged me.

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 976

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

A system of constructs that keeps men in a dominant and privileged position.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Yes. Gender can be a construct too. I might have a penis and I might be heterosexual, but that does not mean I am the “man” that culture defines. Often people/society project an image of “man” on me that does not fit me at all, and (for example) expect me to make fun of women and their capabilities (as a programmer, as a car driver, …). I am privileged because of my biological sex and sexual orientation. I am hurt when I am confronted with the consequences of that privilege. Strongly feeling people are all inherently equal, I strongly despise this kind of system. That said, I think the way patriarchy hurts me is nothing compared to the damage patriarchy does to women.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

I could do more with my privileges: I could be an ally more often. And I have been ignorant too often – even if we consider ourselves as “trying to do what is ethically correct as much as we can”, we still need to inform ourselves. I’ve consumed porn, and this way supported the porn industry, which is a strong pillar of patriarchy in the west (abuse and objectification of women as part of the free market, to be “consumed”).

How would you define masculinity?

A set of constructs legitimizing itself by pointing to some biological aspects that are shared by around 50% of the population.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

All people are capable of hating others based on their skin/gender/…

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

I do not fit in the mold society expects me too, but many people still act as if I do or should do.

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 974

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

Patriarchy is an interpersonal political system, an earmarked provision of the social contract. It creates an environment of reward and punishment, servitude and fear and self-hatred, centered around an arbitrary idea of gender. Patriarchy makes it costly or deadly not to falsify yourself in its name.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Patriarchy means that when I’m single I don’t get to touch anyone except for a handshake. Patriarchy told me that by feeling, I had failed, and that I had to stop crying, which of course I could never, because having begun to cry, I had already failed. Patriarchy caused me to ignore even the possibility that I was not really a boy for thirty years. Patriarchy made me accept for my whole life that I was the weird one. Patriarchy rewarded everyone who enforced all of this, parents, lovers, employers, civil servants, and strangers who shout “faggot” out of car windows.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Uncountable ways. Every time I did anything in order to be cool, I was selling out myself and all of us to patriarchy. I pandered to it, asked for its favor, and offered individuals as sacrifice. I was the instrument of its punishments.

How would you define masculinity?

Masculinity is a demon that crippled me until I decided it was wrong and stopped feeding it.

Does misandry exist?

No

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

What best describes you?

A feminist

Respondent 966

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

a system that privileges men over women

How has patriarchy hurt you?

how hasn’t it. I’m a fat disabled queer intersex trans man.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

when I was a teenager, I tried to be a “real man” in such a way that it was bad for all my relationships – romantic, familial, friends, all of them. I tried to be “right” all the time, to be “strong” all the time, to be infallible. I expended so much energy lashing out because I had been hurt in so many ways and I didn’t know how else to deal with it but to try and control everything I could, because maybe if I could then the world would stop hurting me. Of course, it doesn’t work that way, and no one is infallible – but especially no teenager is. I was lucky – I grew out of this before I hit adulthood. but it happened.

How would you define masculinity?

a tricky question. it’s a feeling mostly, I think. but like almost every gender feeling, like colours, we will never know if it feels the same to others that it does to us. it is also a physical expression I think, hair and sharp lines, beer and exertion, gruffness and protectiveness.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

I don’t think misandry exists in a systemic way, that’s ridiculous. but my mother threatened to kill me when I told her I was a man, because “men are worthless”, so I cannot say that it does not exist on a smaller scale.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

What best describes you?

A feminist

I know some people think a man can’t be a feminist because he hasn’t lived as a woman. But I have lived as a woman, so if that is the only problem, it is cis centric and false.