Respondent 945

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

A society where both men and “male values” tend to dominate. For me, it doesn’t feel quite as simple as claiming that it’s just about men holding power – it’s about the culture that’s developed around that system. I’ve actually heard women say “We need someone to grow a pair of balls and take this on” in the workplace. That says something about how certain people of either gender respect those particular values.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Not very much compared to most of the women I know. I really can’t compete, and I would usually feel petty whining openly about it. However� Growing up, it was very clear to me that stereotypical male behaviour wasn’t something that I could align myself with easily. As a boy growing up it was clear that competitive one-upmanship and aggression weren’t traits I could easily relate to, and at the age of 10 a significant number of the other children in school decided I must be gay. Interestingly, I’m not, but that rumour persisted until my mid-twenties back in my hometown (I’m actually married to a woman now). So I managed to get myself beaten up quite a few times and on the received end of abuse for being something I actually wasn’t, which as an adult when I’d finally got to grips with the idea of what homosexuality even *was* felt more absurd than hurtful, like someone screaming at you for having a beard when you’ve just shaved that morning. I was partly brought up on a council estate in Essex, and in particular, I find that an almost exaggerated representation of maleness is woven right into the expectations of the male working class. If you’re from that background, you’re expected to demonstrate it through bullishness, and if you don’t that’s almost seen as a betrayal of those values. It’s often assumed you’re from a privileged background in some way and might have been blown off-course. Digging deeper than that, I suspect a lot of my friends might have failed in education because they didn’t want to be seen as wet, bookish or middle class. So those class-based ideas of maleness are incredibly damaging and counter-productive in a way that seldom seems to be discussed. I got past that and rebelled (or stayed true to myself, however you want to perceive it) but large numbers of people don’t. The statistics around the performance of working class boys in school are horrifying, and it angers me. It’s utterly self-defeating. On a side-note, my mother’s first husband did used to beat her around, which damaged her psychologically and I think did have an effect on both my upbringing and the upbringing of my brothers and sister. Again, the complaint is almost entirely hers, but the problem does still get passed down, especially as some of my siblings never saw their father again after the divorce.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

When I first started going out with women I was, in retrospect, overly pushy and needy. A nightmare, which meant that no relationship lasted for very long and I was generally regarded to be a colossal pain in the arse at best, even pursuing women I had a crush on past the point where it should have been obvious they weren’t interested. I was aware enough to know that women did often feel very uncomfortable and threatened by men in those situations, but not self-aware enough to realise I was also doing it. I thought I was just being “nice”. At that time, sex education was fine in schools, but advice for men and women on relationships and communication in general was utterly non-existent (probably still is). I hadn’t a clue what I was doing, and I inwardly cringe now (as well as wanting to apologise for my behaviour to women who would probably dread getting a random email from me, and rightly so). If I have any excuse at all, it’s probably that I grew up seeing the parallel opposite approach – men *aggressively* pursuing women – and in my mind I justified the weird, needy approach as being the acceptable alternative, when really it was just a different shade of the same persistent nonsense. Besides that, to this day I sometimes notice myself talking over women in conversations, or not paying them enough attention in a group dynamic where they’re the only woman present. It’s not a conscious thing, it may be partly influenced by the atmosphere around me, and I’m happy to be pulled up on it. In fact, I think men should be pulled up on this when it occurs. If you want to improve, you shouldn’t be afraid to be told when you’re failing.

How would you define masculinity?

It’s difficult to put in words simply, but assertion, bullishness, physical strength, and a competitive spirit are the first things I think of when I hear the word.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Of course, but I don’t feel offended or threatened by it. There are women out there who hate all men, but the fact they exist has, to the best of my knowledge, had little effect on the direction of my life or the life of any man I know.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

Really minor stuff. Women in the workplace assuming there are certain things I won’t be able to do “because it’s not men’s work”. Interestingly, it’s always menial cleaning tasks or low-rung work, so its effect on my career has been zero. I’m always amazed when women fall into that trap. I’ve never heard a female colleague say “Really, I think this management role would only be suitable for a woman with the appropriate communication skills”. It’s always about catering in meetings or typing. This puts my earlier comments about men on council estates into some perspective, I suppose.

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 938

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

As a male, I’m already winning before anyone has started a proverbial race.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Apart from the odd angry comment not even about or to me on twitter, it hasn’t.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

I sincerely hope I haven’t, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve managed to get a bit closer to a job interview (for example) simply by being a man.

How would you define masculinity?

According to all the adverts I see, it’s all about the muscles and grooming. I would say it’s probably just providing for family, not being a dick?

Does misandry exist?

Maybe

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

I’m a male nurse (and straight) and I get a bit of grief from some patients about that.

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 935

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

Male-dominated society

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Expected to conform to male stereotypes by both fellow males and females

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Presumptuous about relationships

How would you define masculinity?

Unfeeling, dominant

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Misandry, if we mean a prejudice against males or even active dislike of men, definitely exists. Word is constantly misused to attack people calling out anti-female prejudice, however.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

Both in ways that have advantaged and disadvantaged me.

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 928

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

The problem in society whereby men have an objectively easier life than anyone that isn’t a man.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

It has not. I fear I have benefited hugely from the patriarchy.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

I have employed other people in place of perfectly well qualified men in order to make my team diversity stats look better. You could argue that the men were directly affected by the patriarchy’s influence there.

How would you define masculinity?

This is a pretty outdated/unnecessary term nowadays, because you’re just listing qualities that everyone could aspire to.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Radfems and tumblr make misandry very real.

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Only in a way that has advantaged me

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 914

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

Male dominated inequality.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

It hasn’t at all. I’m as priveliged as could be. And I’m massively aware of that.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Doubtlessly I will have without even knowing it, such is the normalisation of the patriarchy.

How would you define masculinity?

Wow, that’s a whole essay.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Of course it does, but more often than not it’s a reaction to bad treatment from men/the patriarchy

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

No

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 910

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

male centric society & culture

How has patriarchy hurt you?

expectations

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

No

How would you define masculinity?

maleness, without the puffery of what is commonly thought to be manhood

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 906

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

Organised male control of society to the exclusion of women

How has patriarchy hurt you?

it hasn’t. I’m a man

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Accidentally

How would you define masculinity?

man-ness

Does misandry exist?

Maybe

Men often deserve to be hated

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Only in a way that has advantaged me

the guilt! the guilt!

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 883

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

A ruling class oblivious between the distinction of privelege and right as much as it is oblivious to the distinction between sex and gender identification.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

it hasn’t. Being that I can privilege from its existence it has done nothing to me save for a few inconveniences that those in my position less aware of their privilege may define as “hurt.”

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

I have underestimated those who would identify as women in the past. I’ve come a long way but there’s always room for improvement.

How would you define masculinity?

Definitions change so I would say masculinity is a reaction to how our baser instincts define power as it exists in today’s society.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Misandry exists as an extreme response to a patriarchal power

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Only in a way that has advantaged me

While I’ve experienced prejudice based on my gender/sex I’ve never had to fear for my life or position in society so I can’t really say it’s done nothing but given me advantages.

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

Respondent 872

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

The gamed system that we live in today. No way would a merit based society be this good at delivering old white dudes as the top dogs in pretty much every aspect of human endeavour.

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Expectation. Being male there is a maleness that I never quite fitted into. I’m straight, white, male and into sports and heavy metal but I’m not the guy to be screaming SLAYER or doing anything that would belong on the LAD Bible so late teens and twenties took some real negotiation before I was at a point where I could just say ‘fuck it, I am who I am, whatever’. I probably missed some real opportunities to pursue things I’d be interested in or to stand out as myself because of it.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

Not intentionally I hope. My work as always been in female dominated work places and I don’t think I was ever stepping over anyone or trying to do anyone down in a man knows best way there – or in life.

How would you define masculinity?

Competitiveness belongs there. A certain loneliness too. Expectations to live up to. Some people embrace and power through, others capitulate and develop there own thing but its always going to be in relation or opposition, defined beside, that competitive maleness that saturates everything. Even if it slips into being the most non-mainstream/non-conformist, its still playing the game.

Does misandry exist?

Yes

Every prejudice is bound to exist to some degree somewhere, otherwise why would we be able to name it?

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

No

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

If only because I’m never truly going to know what its like to be a woman so I can’t stake a claim to the identity politics which exists to strengthen their position. I don’t want to claim it for myself even if there are next to no statements involved I could disagree with.

Respondent 870

Does patriarchy exist?

Yes

How would you define patriarchy?

The power of men on women

How has patriarchy hurt you?

Because I cannot have heathly rapport with the women i love. Because even if I found the patriarchy horrible, being a men give me thousand of advantage i use everyday without being aware off.

How have you hurt people in a way influenced by patriachy?

I rape my girlfriend. Because i did not know what rape was

How would you define masculinity?

The same of feminity ? I don’t know, and i don’t care what feminity and masculinity, sorry ^^

Does misandry exist?

Maybe

I don’t know, it’s like white racism, can we really talk about something sexist or racist when it’s touch the more powerfull ?

Have you experienced gender and/or sex related prejudice?

Yes

What best describes you?

An ally to feminism

White, cis genre men, it’s difficult to idendify myself as a feminist.